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Old 10-01-2001, 12:08 AM   #1
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10. Stand in front of the gate door while waiting for your row to be called.

9. Bump into every possible passenger while walking to your row. If you can't manage it, at least slam everyone with your bag. Extra point: Hitting someone in the head with your bag while putting it into the overhead bin.

8. Use the seat in front of you to help get up. Grab it and pull back like the plane's going down.

7. Have to use the aircraft lavatory? Best time is after the door is closed, but not pushed back yet.

6. Plane landed already? Crap! You might miss your connection, so be sure to stand up and start opening bins while the plane taxis to the jetway. Extra points: beat the plane to the gate.

5. Seat assignments are for losers. Pick a good seat and play gate agent with other boarding passengers.

4. Be sure to make lots of sarcastic and insulting comments about the airline that you're flying. You're clearly smarter than the Fortune 500 executives that run the show, and the airline's best customers and shareholders that are traveling with you would very much enjoy any comments that you may have.

3. Seatmate wearing headphones? This probably means that (s)he is warming up their ears for chitchat with you. Fire up some conversation.

2. When the walkway says, "Walk left, stand right," that really means, "This is a ride! Please enjoy and put your bag right next to you". Be sure to give any jerk a rude look and pretend to be confused if someone says, excuse me" and wants to get by.

1. Four words: Bring your dog onboard.
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Old 10-01-2001, 12:08 AM   #2
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10. Stand in front of the gate door while waiting for your row to be called.

9. Bump into every possible passenger while walking to your row. If you can't manage it, at least slam everyone with your bag. Extra point: Hitting someone in the head with your bag while putting it into the overhead bin.

8. Use the seat in front of you to help get up. Grab it and pull back like the plane's going down.

7. Have to use the aircraft lavatory? Best time is after the door is closed, but not pushed back yet.

6. Plane landed already? Crap! You might miss your connection, so be sure to stand up and start opening bins while the plane taxis to the jetway. Extra points: beat the plane to the gate.

5. Seat assignments are for losers. Pick a good seat and play gate agent with other boarding passengers.

4. Be sure to make lots of sarcastic and insulting comments about the airline that you're flying. You're clearly smarter than the Fortune 500 executives that run the show, and the airline's best customers and shareholders that are traveling with you would very much enjoy any comments that you may have.

3. Seatmate wearing headphones? This probably means that (s)he is warming up their ears for chitchat with you. Fire up some conversation.

2. When the walkway says, "Walk left, stand right," that really means, "This is a ride! Please enjoy and put your bag right next to you". Be sure to give any jerk a rude look and pretend to be confused if someone says, excuse me" and wants to get by.

1. Four words: Bring your dog onboard.
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Old 10-08-2001, 07:36 PM   #3
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0. You worked hard on your trip and your meeting schedule was draining. Feel free to hit snooze a few more times the morning of your return flight, even it means you have to skip a shower. Go ahead and recycle yesterday's clothes, too, to save on your dry cleaning bill.
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Old 10-08-2001, 07:36 PM   #4
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0. You worked hard on your trip and your meeting schedule was draining. Feel free to hit snooze a few more times the morning of your return flight, even it means you have to skip a shower. Go ahead and recycle yesterday's clothes, too, to save on your dry cleaning bill.
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Old 12-18-2001, 12:35 PM   #5
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Weigh in at 400 lbs. Learn to ooze into the seats around you.
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Old 12-18-2001, 12:35 PM   #6
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Weigh in at 400 lbs. Learn to ooze into the seats around you.
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Old 12-18-2001, 06:50 PM   #7
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It wouldn't be an issue if the airplanes were built for body types (human) other than 98 pound midgets.
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Old 12-18-2001, 06:50 PM   #8
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It wouldn't be an issue if the airplanes were built for body types (human) other than 98 pound midgets.
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Old 12-19-2001, 08:35 AM   #9
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sure it would. people, especially us Americans, would grow to fill that space too.

:)
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Old 12-19-2001, 08:35 AM   #10
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sure it would. people, especially us Americans, would grow to fill that space too.

:)
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Old 12-19-2001, 10:32 AM   #11
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that' because we're 'great'

if it wasn't for our 'fill all available space' routine, we never would have conquered the West! Indiana would have remained some retarded hinterland! Wait, guess that never chnaged. Nevermind.
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Old 12-19-2001, 10:32 AM   #12
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that' because we're 'great'

if it wasn't for our 'fill all available space' routine, we never would have conquered the West! Indiana would have remained some retarded hinterland! Wait, guess that never chnaged. Nevermind.
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Old 01-23-2002, 08:43 PM   #13
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Old 01-23-2002, 08:43 PM   #14
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Old 01-25-2002, 10:54 AM   #15
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Stop to examine the row numbers on both sides of the aircraft at every row. You never know - those wacky maintenance guys might have moved row 37 up into the 1st class cabin just for you!
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Old 01-25-2002, 10:54 AM   #16
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Stop to examine the row numbers on both sides of the aircraft at every row. You never know - those wacky maintenance guys might have moved row 37 up into the 1st class cabin just for you!
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